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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955401">Reasons the Hargreeves should not go camping</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grim_Beekeeper/pseuds/Grim_Beekeeper'>Grim_Beekeeper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Camping, Fluff, post season one au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:08:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955401</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grim_Beekeeper/pseuds/Grim_Beekeeper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of reasons that seven adult siblings should not go on a camping trip when none of them know how to camp and at least two of them have serious hang ups about camping in the woods.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Because no one brought any food</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No one remembered to bring the hot dogs.<br/>
That was the big issue. </p><p>Actually there were several hundred issues with the Hargreeves going camping. However it was best tackled one at a time. </p><p>“What do mean you forgot to pack any food, this was your idea.” Diego was fuming. He hadn’t wanted to go on a camping trip in the first place but Luther had somehow talked everyone into it. </p><p>Everyone being their group of seven siblings who have been pulled through time and space, caused and prevented the end of the world and to top it out one of them was back from the dead.<br/>
Five couldn’t explain how that happened on their return trip, even if he’d felt like talking about it he’d been passed out for over a week and wasn’t in any condition to answer questions.<br/>
Ben had been happy about it though, still attached to Klaus at the hip but now thoroughly enamored with everything available to him.<br/>
He’d forgotten how nice it was to be solid. </p><p>Which was at least half of why he was just watching his brother’s fight with a grin on his face. He was upset about the food situation as well but watching Luther and Diego go at it was worth the inconvenience.<br/>
“I told Klaus to make a list” Luther said, defending himself weakly. Telling Klaus to write something down wasn’t effective. </p><p>“I brought food” Klaus joined in from where he was putting up the tents with Five. Somehow they were the only ones who knew how to do it. </p><p>Diego was grateful for that but not for the interrupting.<br/>
“Twinkies are not food and you know it- but that’s not the issue here”<br/>
Luther proceeded to say that was in fact completely the issue because it had been Klaus’s responsibility to make the list.<br/>
Diego fired back that it was still Luther’s job to pack the food and he should have noticed that there wasn’t any. </p><p>The two of them were getting nowhere, and getting louder while they did it. </p><p>Suddenly it was raining. </p><p>Vanya usually had her powers under control. It was a learning process.<br/>
And right now she was upset, not in a particularly violent way but her brothers fighting was never fun.<br/>
Hell, being in the woods wasn’t fun. She hadn’t said anything about it but considering the body count she wracked up last time she was out in the wilderness she was confused as to why they’d drag her along. She almost wished they hadn’t. </p><p> </p><p>Especially now that everyone was soaked and the wind was picking up.<br/>
No one acknowledged the problem, no one wanted to talk about it. </p><p>Luther and Diego stopped talking abruptly and the camp fell into awkward half silence. The only noise was the rain and the distant yelling of the other campsites who hadn’t prepared for the unseasonable change in weather. </p><p>Their fearless leader (that was to say the now rather shaken Luther Hargreeves) clapped his hands together and came up with a plan.<br/>
“So we need to get food. It’s not that hard, there’s bound to be a grocery store in town. I’ll go shopping myself this time-”<br/>
Diego may have rolled his eyes, that was the obvious solution of course but he was still annoyed that they hadn’t gotten there sooner.<br/>
“-Does anyone want to come with me?”<br/>
Allison was about to say that she’d come along but before she got a chance to speak Vanya had popped up from the picnic table to answer. </p><p>“I’ll go”<br/>
Luther looked understandably surprised by that but he wasn’t about to argue with it and he just nodded, leading his sister back to the car so they could go.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. There's no deer running across the road in the city</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Vanya almost runs over a deer and the best thing Luther can do is keep his mouth shut.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Walking back to the parking lot wasn’t so bad, even if Luther had to remind himself to slow down so Vanya didn’t lag behind too badly. </p><p>Weirdly enough that wasn’t as much of an issue as he was expecting, Vanya had never been the type to hurry but right now she was keeping a brisk pace. <br/>He was tempted to ask why but before he could she’d already gotten the car unlocked and gotten into the driver’s seat. <br/>He wanted to drive but something in her expression made it clear that he shouldn’t mention it. </p><p>Luther just got himself into the passenger side and tried to make a grocery list on his phone while they drove back into town. <br/>It was going well enough, or as well as it could. Using a smartphone was interesting for him to say the least. </p><p>After about fifteen minutes it got even more interesting because the car slammed to a complete stop and his phone went flying into the windshield. <br/>“What the hell was-” He started to ask but was cut off. <br/>“FUCK” </p><p>Vanya hit the steering wheel, blasting the horn and effectively scattering the herd of deer that had abruptly started to cross the street. <br/>She’d just barely avoided a fawn and had slammed on the breaks so hard that it sent her seatbelt digging painfully into her torso. </p><p>It was irritating and stressful and she’d almost hurt the baby. She hadn’t wanted to and she hadn’t but suddenly the thought of if the car hadn’t stopped in time was going through her head and she couldn’t stop it. </p><p>A hit deer wouldn’t be the bloodiest thing but it wouldn’t be clean and then there was the momma deer that would be on it’s own in some twisted reversed kind of Bambi ordeal and what would they even do with the dead deer- you couldn’t just leave it in the middle of the road could you? No that was a traffic hazard it had to be but moving it wasn’t good, what if it had ticks or- </p><p>“I should drive” Luther said, his voice was harsh and it was enough to get her to pull over and park so they could switch seats. Obeying without so much as a word. </p><p>When they were both out of the car they crossed paths in front of it and Luther stopped Vanya. <br/>She winced away from his hands. </p><p>That hurt. He wanted to ask what was going on and if she was okay because clearly something was going on in her head but she definitely wouldn’t want to talk about it, much less with him. He let her get back into the car and the moment passed. <br/>Vanya got into the passenger’s seat and sat in silence for the rest of the drive to the store. </p><p>They ended up parked in front of a generic grocery store and that was when Vanya spoke up, asking the obvious question. </p><p>“Do you have any idea what people eat on camping trips? We’re going to get sick if there’s only hot dogs” <br/>“Well of course….I’m not sure. I think we can figure it out though” He gave her a small grin, a version of the winning smile he’d used for photographs since as long as he could remember. </p><p>Vanya seemed less than impressed but followed him into the store. </p><p>As it turned out they could absolutely not figure it out but that didn’t mean they weren’t going to try. <br/>There were hot dogs, far too many of them as well as anything and everything that could be put into a sandwich or possibly roasted over a fire. </p><p>The sheer amount of marshmallows was enough to traumatize the sixteen year old running the register. <br/>Either that or the sight of Luther carrying enough food for seven people to the car in one trip. Vanya was helping but she could only get a few of the bags and even then she was struggling with it. </p><p>It’s somewhere in the process of packing everything into the car like a game of tetris, Luther couldn’t bite his tongue anymore. <br/>“Are you okay?” <br/>“Huh- yes” <br/>“...You’ve been jumpy since this morning” <br/>He was staring at her. Vanya thought the expression of gentle concern looked horribly out of place on his features. <br/>“Luther I’m fine. I don’t like the woods but it’s fine, I’m not about to blow” </p><p>She found herself waving a hand vaguely to indicate..well she wasn’t sure what. Ending the world? Grievously injuring a baby deer and splitting up a happy family? <br/>She wasn’t sure but Luther just nodded, seeming satisfied with the answer. </p><p>That was odd..she expected him to press, acting like some mother hen who wouldn’t trust her to be an adult with self control. <br/>That had to be how Klaus felt, constantly. </p><p>But Luther let it drop and that was that. They could head back to the campsite with the supplies and no one would be mad because they hadn’t gotten enough to eat. <br/>They could just be mad because of...any other reason they damned well liked. But not that one.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Five out of seven can't pitch a tent (but Five Can)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tents are pitched and nothing bad happens</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Of course the individuals still at the campsite were finding plenty of reasons to be unhappy and the sudden addition of mud to the tent pitching was a big one. </p><p>Klaus was of the opinion that since he and Five were the only ones on their knees actually putting the tents together that no one else should complain. <br/>That wasn’t stopping Ben though. <br/>“We should have set up on higher ground” <br/>“Well then set it up yourself Bennie” <br/>“You know I’m busy” <br/>Ben was absolutely not busy, he was making a valiant attempt but fruitless attempt to find firewood. <br/>From the outside perspective it looked a little more like walking around and kicking pinecones. </p><p>Allison scoffed lightly and handed Five one of the tent stakes and he placed it before pressing it into the ground. Really you were supposed to hammer those things down or just step on them. <br/>Klaus noticed and just hissed, inhaling through his teeth. <br/>“I know you’re going senile but you know that’s how you do that right?” <br/>“It works.” Five rolled his eyes, he wasn’t about to argue with the senile comment, if he stopped to complain about every aggravating thing his siblings said to him he’d never get anything done. </p><p>Klaus couldn’t really argue with that either, it did work, the tent didn’t look like it was about to blow away in the wind and judging by the expression on the kid’s face he didn’t want to be prodded about it. As long as he didn’t injure his hands it was fine. </p><p>Allison didn’t weigh in. She was out of her depth with this entire experience and she couldn’t really comment on the process of setting up tents. She was just surprised that Klaus of all people knew how to camp. <br/>“You know I get why Five knows how to do this but when did you take up camping?” <br/>Klaus paused then just chuckled, moving on to the next of the four tents and laying out the under tarp. <br/>“I lived in a tent for six months. Fun times” <br/>“Oh” </p><p>She didn’t really know how to respond to that, not really. Klaus hadn’t had a good life, they all knew that but sometimes reminders came out of odd places. <br/>Allison didn’t get a chance to ruminate on it though, Klaus just kept talking to her. <br/>“Shame when I lost the tent though, no idea where it went. I swear one day I’m enjoying the high life at a music festival and then bam, I’m trying to buy a sandwich with a library card”</p><p>She couldn’t help herself “And how fucked up were you?” <br/>“Very”  </p><p>The laughter that followed the statement took her off guard. <br/>Hell it took Klaus off guard.  </p><p>Five had a soft laugh, he always had but it had been so long since he laughed genuinely around them that neither of them truly remembered how it sounded, much less expected it. </p><p>Allison couldn’t help but give Five a warm look, it was few and far between but he had his moments of being precious and this was one of them. <br/>Evidently their venerable little brother noticed how he was being looked at because he just scoffed, narrowing his eyes on Klaus. <br/>“I have a feeling most of your life is spent doing idiotic shit like that” <br/>“Guilty as charged. One of you help me with this tent pole, pretty please.”</p>
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